4 - Style - Week 3

 Objective

To say more with less. To push your language down to its essentials. To say only the best of what you mean.

Assignment

This week's story is the same as last week's... but you’re going to cut out half the words. Begin with the text you had for last week’s piece and start cutting words out. Do your best to cover the same material in half the words. You may add words here and there, but the idea is to build the same house on half the yard. The more work you put into last week’s assignment, the harder this is going to be.

Remember what to cut out:

• the wordy, the meandering, the unduly analytical

• the parts of speech that aren’t nouns and verbs—unnecessary modifiers, redundant prepositions, and so on

• throat-clearing or mealy-mouth words or phrases: “just,” “like,” “sort of,” “kind of,” “almost,” “very” . . .

• the teach-y, the explain-y, the crying out, the condescending

The kid was sobbing. The drops went down to his checks. The grandma hugged his grandchild. The brothers and sisters were carrying the first coffin. The mother. The body of the mother was recognizable, but with a horrible scar on her face. A second coffin behind. The father. He received the main damage. The grandpa made a spell to change his form. His grandson did not deserve see the face of his father after the accident.

After the funeral they took his grandson back home. The moment they arrive the child fall sleep in the coach. Grandma was furious. She has been a witch for 50 years and was unable to protect her daughter. The grandpa was sitting on the kitchen table and grandma was walking in front of him.

— We can bring them back! You and I can provide sacrifice our flesh and Philip the blood. I can purchase two bodies. Politicians owe me.

—NO WOMAN! NO. I won’t make my own daughter a zombie.  We don’t kill and we do not bargain with death. The family has rules. Commands to follow. 

—SHE IS MY DAUGHTER! I do not need you. I can call her soul. I can summon angels and demons. They will bring my daughter back. 

—Lala. Please. You and I are too weak and if we lose time and power trying to bring them back. We are not going to provide for Philip. He needs us.

The grandma started crying. She went from the kitchen to the living room and throw herself into the sofa. She needs to become a mother for the boy. 

—Maciel. He needs to be train. Commonly the parents teach the magic to their sons. 

—We need to be there for him lala.